If your pee pee hurts, what would you do?

My mother left me a voice mail this week asking if I could take time to call a friend of hers and offer advice about a cat. From what I gather from my mother, this cat has been urinating on items throughout the house rather than using the litter box as it had for years prior. Mother’s day is just around the corner, so I figure I’d try to be a good son and call the friend. I get an answering machine and a four day course of phone tag ensues.

Since I haven’t been able to directly talk to this peson, I figured I’d write to everyone who has had this problem and wasn’t sure what to do.

Cue the title: if your pee pee hurts, and you’re a cat, what would you do?

In its daily routine, a cat’s most common activity is sleeping. The second most common activity is grooming. In the cat’s mind, cleanliness is akin to godliness. So urinating around its kingdom is against the code. Watch a healthy cat in the litter box from time to time. They walk up to the area, access the situation, and sniff around for the right spot. They manage some complicated pose so that tinkle doesn’t taint their prized coat, and then spend a minute covering their waste so they don’t have to stare at it. (You with the cat who has never covered its waste, we’ll get to you later)

For me to imitate a healthy cat in a litter box, I would have to start off by contemplating the contours of my toilet. Then I’d have to stand on the tank and aim for the water, after which I would flush and pull out the scrub brush so that no one knew I was there. My wife can only dream of this scenario.

So a cat never WANTS to not use a litter box. The cat must be trying to tell you something, right? Yes and NOOOOO! I say “NOOOOO!” because before a veterinarian is allowed to speak during a urinary consult, they have to listen to the person rationalize what the cat must be mad about. It MUST be mad. It’s my new lover…it’s that I’m going out of town too much…it’s that it hates me…it’s my new dog… They then think that if they don’t dump their significant owner, or stay at home all the time, or get rid of the dog, then the problem will never go away.

This is almost never the case.

Your cat is trying so tell you something, but it’s more akin to when your car engine makes a funny noise. It would better to view it as follows: my cat (or car) is doing something differently, so it’s time to have things checked out.

Here is an incomplete list of problems that would explain urination on the couch (and many include pee pee pain): 1. interstitial cystitis 2. Urinary crystals 3. Urinary stones 4. Arthritic pain 5. Diabetes 6. Kidney disease 7. An undesirable litter box that we put up with for years but just can’t stand anymore 8. Another cat claims it as territory 9.. Urinary tract infection

Why is urinary tract infection last on that incomplete list? It’s just not that common in cats. Retrospective studies suggest that urinary tract infection accounts for less than 3% of all cases in cats under the age of four. If antibiotics appeared to help out your young cat, brace yourself for the problem to resurface within the year.

Here’s an incomplete list of diagnostic tools used when a cat urinates on a couch: 1. Proper history collection 2. Thorough physical examination 3. Urinalysis 4. Radiography 5. Ultrasonography 6. Urine cultures

Here’s an incomplete list of therapies that might help (dependant on the problem): 1. Anti-inflammatories 2. Increasing water consumption 3. Pain control 4. Getting a large, non-mechanical, non-hooded litter box far away from the dryer you just put your tennis shoes in 5. Insulin 6. Amitriptylline 7. Surgery 8. Antibiotics

So, if your cat is peeing around the house, please consult a veterinarian (in person). This is one of the most common reasons for cats to come to a veterinary clinic, and if you are patient and allow the clinic to properly work up the case, most of the time you’ll be able to get a return to normalcy.